To Kill the Pain
by Female-Fighter
Summary: Why am I here? There is no hope for the future, all there is, is darkness, and despair, Dreams don't come true only nightmares. Rating may change, also has some romance. Completed as of August 6,2009
1. Then

**To Kill the Pain**

**Chapter 1**

**Disclaimer-** I do not own DBz but the story main real plot is mine, it's based off my life, more info after chapter.

She stood in front of her desk, looking out the window. The rooms only light touched her face in a thin line, moonlight, the only light she ever accepted. Without looking down her fingers gently picked up a needle from her latest sewing project. The needle was average length and was thin; you could barely tell she was holding anything. "I'm so sorry, but some promises can't be kept". She whispered faintly to no one. Her left hand took the needle to her right arm, she gently the sleeve of her shirt and rolled it up. Then took it and placed it against her skin. The cold metal sent a shiver through her back. As she was about to pierce the skin a single tear escaped her eye and rolled down her cheek, she closed her eyes for she could never watch what she was doing. The door to her room swung open and someone swiftly entered and pulled the needle from her fingers.

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_Okay I know this is short and hardly worth it, but I promise to update right away with a longer chapter. Oh, I almost forgot, what I said earlier is true. The main character is represents me, and as other people come into the story I'll let you know who they represent in my life. Please Read and Review. _


	2. And Now

**Chapter 2**

**And Then**

**Disclaimer- **I do not own Dragonballz or Three Days Grace Animal I have Become.

Bulla sat at her desk, writing the latest chapter for one of her stories. It was a new passion for her, ever since she found out about a fan fiction website, that's all she ever do, But for her it was more then, just a way to create different storylines for characters on her favorite TV show, it was a way to release her anger. Her stereo was blasting music to help drown out her parents yelling at her brother, Trunks, for his grades at school. She rolled back in her chair and raised the volume up one notch; finally you could only hear them when her disc changer was picking another song. Trying to get her mind off the topic of her father she quickly went back to writing.

A knock on her window made her jump and fall of her chair. Her friends, Goten, Marion, Goten, and her best friend Pan were outside the window laughing. She stood up, gave them the evil eye then opened her window and put the screen up so they could come in.

"We were going to go to the front door but we could hear your dad yelling as we walked up, so we figured that wasn't the best way"

"Yeah, sorry but dad's been like that since dinner"

"What is it this time?"

"Trunks grades, what else."

"I hate to change the subject but what were you writing?"

"Oh that Pan, is the latest chapter for one of my stories"  
"Really which one?"

"Your favorite, "Hearts Forbidden", I just finished it so can read it if you like"

"Sweet" Pan jumped into the chair and flipped the notebook to the beginning of the new chapter.

Bulla leaned against a wall and just listened to the songs that were playing, other then the fact that her cd player was blasting it was quiet in her room, and she liked that. Just having her friends next to her made her, helped ease her mind.

"I love this song" Marion sprang to her feet and pulled Bulla to an empty space in the room. Their favorite song from Three Days Grace had started playing. Pan looked up from the notebook and joined Bulla and Marion who were jumping up and down. They knew what they were doing looked really stupid but they didn't care, as long as they were having fun. Goten watched as they started to head bang with smiles on their faces. "Come and join us Goten" Marion said while giggling.

"No thanks I think I pass for now" a smile was across his face as he answered he could juts imagine what it would look like he had joined.

"Aw, you're no fun" she swatted her hand at him and went back to her friends.

At around ten o' clock the gang had decided to get ready to go, Bulla opened up the window again and they exited. Before Goten left he pulled Bulla close and kissed her forehead, "You okay, you don't lie yourself?"

"Goten, I…it's nothing don't worry about it"

"Bulla, talk to me, what is it"

"I already told you it nothing so go; I don't want you to get in trouble"

Goten poked his head out the window, "you guys can go, and Pan can you tell my mom I'm going to be late?"

"Goten, what am I suppose to tell Grandma?"

"I don't know… fine tell my dad, he can tell her, okay"

"Alright, fine" Pan and Marion took off leaving Goten and Bulla alone.

"Now, Bulla what's up, and I won't take "it's nothing" as an answer" They moved to the wall that enclosed her chimney and they leaned against it. Bulla slid down it and had her legs against her chest. She held Goten's hand who was still standing. He didn't sit next to her until after she started talking.  
"I… you…probably won't believe me but," she took a deep breath and closed her eyes in hopes of focusing the words she wanted to say. "I can't take this anymore, I realize that there is no future for me, my dreams don't come true, I have nothing but pain in my life…Goten I just want to die and end this all!" Goten looked at her with a shocked looked on his face but he quickly gained back his thoughts and spoke. "Bulla what makes you think that you have no future, and that your dreams don't come true, you told me that you always dreamt that we would get together doesn't that count?"

"Yes and no, my parents don't know about us, we sneak around and you and me can never really be alone when my family is near by, plus the only reason besides the obvious with my father, is my mothers big mouth, she can't keep a secret and if she finds out, then all of Capsule Corp. knows and we both don't want their _oh so loving gazes_ at us every time we walk in. I can hear it know, oh there is the cute couple, Bulma, your daughter and her boyfriend look so good together, blah, blah bla."

"Bulla, Bulla calm down okay? Relax, okay so you don't want your family to learn of us but,…he stopped she was still hiding something still, and whatever it was, was causing tears to come into her eyes.

"Bulla…" he whispered to her.

"Please, don't leave me I don't want to be alone anymore, I'm scared of the darkness, it's not me" she buried her head into his chest and cried, something so rare to her, she was so used to hiding her tears, because every time she cried her father would make a stupid comment and she would only cry more. Goten pulled her close to him "Go ahead, cry, get it all out, it's not good to bottle it up inside.

She cried herself to sleep, so Goten lifted her up and carried her to her bed, he put the covers on her then whispered in her ear the three best words in the world to her. "I love you" a smile crept across her face, and then he left her room and went home.

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_Okay this chapter is longer than the first like I promised. If you haven't guessed already Bulla is me, Vegeta is my dad, Trunks is my twin bro. Pan, Marion, and Goten are my friends Cayla, Samantha, and Brian. More people are most likely going to enter in later but when they come in I'll let you know who they are. Please Read and Review. I am just letting every one know that, songs will be a very important part in this story, and I am telling you a part of my life my friends don't even know, but that's only because they wouldn't believe me if I told them. Oh and I promise to update my other stories soon, it's just taken my longer due to writers block._


	3. How it started

**Chapter 3**

**Life goes on **

**Disclaimer- **I do not own Z.

Bulla woke up and looked around, trying to remember what exactly happened the night before. Her mom was calling up to her, for her to get up and ready for school. She pulled a pair of blue jeans out of her dresser, then walked to her closet, walked in and rummaged the rack for something comfy. A light purple t-shirt with the word "Love" written in white and different shades of purple forming a heart around the word caught her eye. After putting both on she walked back to her dresser and pulled out sock, then slipped on her sneakers. "Bulla, come on we have to go!"

"I'm coming"

The car was quiet as she sat in the normal traffic trying to get to school. She hoped that Goten wouldn't ask her a million questions during the day, the last thing she wanted was to be interrogated by her boyfriend. Finally arriving at the school she ran the back of the school and upstairs just making it to homeroom before the cell.

"Man Bulla, will you ever get to homeroom on time?"

"Oh shut up Pan, I am on time I'm always in the room when the bell rings."

"Sure you are"

"_Good morning today is February 17, 2007 there will be a meeting today for…"_ the room got silent as everyone listened or whispered to their friends.

"Hey Bulla listen a group of us are going out tomorrow you should come too"

"I'll see if I can go"

"Okay call me"

The bell rang and the two got up to go to first period, Bulla had English it was her favorite and easiest class to pass in high school freshman and sophomore year but this year she hated it. The teacher was alright attitude wise but she wanted everything to be done in groups. It's not like group work is a bad thing but this class had all of the schools clicks except hers and most of the work involved performing it in front of the class in the form of a skit. She was all alone and because of that she was always thrown in with people that didn't want anything to do with her, she hated it. Her voice would vanish at their stares; tears would fill into her eyes. What did she do to deserve this?

The class ended and she ran out, keeping her eyes on the ground so no one could see the tears. She walked to her next class and sat down, Pan was in this class with her and sat down next to her, Bulla was trying not to break down not here, not now. Pan was talking about tomorrow, she turned and saw her friends face.

"Bulla, you okay? Bulla "

She snapped her head up and looked at her best friend.

"What Pan, did you say something?"

"You okay… your eyes…"  
"I'm fine it's just allergies, we were outside before and I was under a tree that was starting to bloom"

"Well okay if you say so"

Since Pan was with Bulla for the next two periods her mind was distracted from the earlier events. Her smile came back and she was happy.

The day ended and Bulla left her science class to be greeted by Goten at her locker. He put an arm around her waist and kissed her cheek gently. "Hey Bulla, Pan told you about tomorrow right?"

"She hasn't shut up about it"

He started laughing as they walked out of the building. "Don't shoot me but I thought we could walk to my place instead of yours"

"That's fine Goten, my mom won't care she is busy with work."

They ran across the parking lot and stopped at the woods entrance. Neither spoke at first, one enjoying the others presence, the other in thought. After getting so far Goten stopped, it took a minute before Bulla realized.

"Goten what's wrong?"

"Bulla are…are you okay I mean last night you said all those things, and well I just wanna make sure your okay"

"oh that…" she looked at the ground then looked up at him smiling "I was just upset yesterday and I guess it just got the best of me, but now I'm fine really…you don't have to worry I'm not going to do anything stupid"

"Okay Bulla, but listen if you ever need someone to talk to just call and I'll come no matter what."

"Goten… thank you but I'm really, now come on catch up" she started running ahead, "Hey wait Bulla, come on!"

That night she sat in the dark confides of her room, her stereo blasting. The memories of before playing like a movie in her head. The pain had to stop she couldn't take it. This wasn't her, and she had to stop it at any cost. Standing up she searched for something, anything that could help ease the suffering. Her fingers slid over something pointed it wasn't really sharp but it might work. Lifting up her sleeve she took the edge and pressed down into her skin before sliding down to where her t-shirt ended.

_I tried to kill the pain _

_But only brought more, so much more_

She did this countless times on her arm then switched to the next. Tears filling steadily, she knew she wasn't bleeding and she had a feeling they wouldn't leave a mark in the morning but the pain she felt from the edge was somehow soothing to her. It seemed to help take the away from her troubles, at least for now.

This was what she wanted this won't help tear apart her family anymore then it already was and her friends would never know, because as long as she smiled they would never see the truth, no matter how fake the smile may be.

_I lay dying _

_And I'm pouring crimson_

_Regret and betrayal_

_I'm dying, praying, bleeding, and screaming _

_Am I too lost to be saved, am I too lost?_

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_ I finished writing this chapter the night I went away and since I was gone for a week it sat and collected dust. I just want to let you know that music is a big part of my life so a lot of songs will be used. Please Read and Review and let me know what you are thinking of this story, please._


	4. A Lying Smile

Chapter 4

**A Lying Smile**

**Disclaimer- **I do not own Z.

The following morning Bulla woke up and looked at her shoulders. Her plan worked what she did last night healed while she was sleeping leaving nothing but the memory. At school she happily talked to her friends about what was going to happen that night, she needed a break from her problems.

"Bulla I have no rules for tonight's little party except nothing dirty with my uncle while I'm in the room"

"Fun wrecker, now I don't know if I'm going to come"

"Oh come on you have to, it will be great"

"Pan, I was joking don't worry"

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That night the gang met at Pan's house where she had moved everything to make room. First they talked while music blasted in the background; all through out the night they constantly challenged each other to see who was top-dog. Pan and Bulla were trying to name the most bands at the moment. Half way through they searched the web for parodies of their favorite games and shows. Bulla started laughing to the point that she was crying and her breath was short. She left the house at humming one of the songs, she got into her mother's car and yelled "Pan we have to do this again and soon I had so much fun!" She sat in the car her smile covering the length of her face.

"So have fun?"

"Yeah it was great"

"What did you do?"

"Nothing fancy, we just kinda hung out"

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A few days later she had started again, at night she would promise herself that she wouldn't but as she lay in bed her arms would surge and she would become restless until she succumbed to it. But no matter how many times or night's it happened the same thing would result, nothing would be left in the morning.

After school Pan and Marron walked home with her and stayed over for dinner. As soon as they all sat down she regretted having them over. Vegeta got in an argument with Trunks ad by the time dinner was over Bulla was dragged in.

"Oh look what a cry baby, your always crying…grow up" Bulla couldn't speak, the words wouldn't form, Pan and Marron tried to defend her but it only made it worse. She pushed out her chair and ran upstairs, they followed her without hesitation. Pan ran to Bulla's side as Marron locked the door and turned on the stereo so they couldn't be heard or interrupted, even though they knew that no one would most likely. She walked away from them and starting screaming at them, "I hate him, I hate him, if I could I would kill him…Oh I can't stand him, he acts like we have to obey him, like he is so much better then me!" The two stood by her, letting her vent out to them, they knew she had bottled up all of the fights inside, they could tell just by the way she was saying things, things that didn't happen before. Soon Bulla stopped screaming and fell to the floor on her knees she was still crying, the pain was still there. Inside felt like old wounds had opened up again, would this pain ever go away? Her arms started calling out to her, her body shook trying to get away from the temptation she couldn't, not with her friends here with her, then all her hard work to keep it a secret would be ruined. _Come on, give in, you want to feel better don't you. Don't worry about your friends they'll understand_ Bulla stood up and moved to her desk, the two backed up to give her space. She kept her back towards her friends as she searched her desk for her pin; slowly she placed it in her fingers and brought it up to her shoulders.   
"Bulla what are you doing?" Pan asked slowly moving forward towards her, she let the needle touch her skin and mark it. "Bulla stop don't do it!" Pan yelled in worry and pleading voice. She said nothing as she continued, neither moved forward unsure what to do. Suddenly she dropped the needle and went to the floor.

"I'm so sorry, please don't tell anyone about this" Marron and Pan went to her side. "Bulla how long have you been doing this, why didn't you tell us?" "For a while and I guess I thought you wouldn't believe me because the marks are completely healed by morning, please me that this doesn't leave the room" "But Bulla, you need help" "No! Please, please promise me, don't tell my parents or anyone especially Goten, he can't know" "Okay Bulla we promise right Pan?" Pan looked at Marron confused, why she was agreeing to this "Okay I promise, but please let us help you" "Thank you, let's do something else, that's how you can help"

_I can't escape this hell  
So many times I've tried  
But I'm still caged inside  
Somebody get me through this nightmare  
I can't control myself_

So what if you can see the darkest side of me?  
No one will ever change this animal I have become  
Help me believe it's not the real me  
Somebody help me tame this animal  
(This animal, this animal)  
I can't escape myself  
(I can't escape myself)  
So many times I've lied  
(So many times I've lied)  
But there's still rage inside  
Somebody get me through this nightmare  
I can't control myself

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Okay I AM SO SORRY this took me forever to update. But I finished this chapter in school and I made sure that I updated it the same day, and for once I did. I hope you like it, please Review. 


	5. Keeping Secrets

Chapter 5

**Keeping Secrets**

**Disclaimer-** I own nothing!

Bulla went to wash her face, Pan and Marron called their parents and told them not to expect them home that night, when asked why they simply told them that they couldn't say and they would see them tomorrow. Both knew that their parents would be pissed but they didn't care, their friend's safety and well-being was more important right now. Bulla walked in, her face still looked depressed and sad. "Hey I know what will brighten your mood, kicking our butts in Mortal Combat" Pan grabbed Bulla's hand and dragged her over to the bed and threw her a controller. Marron wasn't crazy about fighting games so she just watched. Slowly Bulla's mood brightened and she was no longer sad, her face had a wide smile and her eyes no longer showed pain, they showed happiness and joy, Marron knew it wasn't such an easy fix like that but she knew that if Bulla could smile and laugh then they could save her. If they could make her smile and happy then she wasn't completely depressed. She wanted help, they could see that by not pushing them away, knowing her, she probably didn't want to ask for help for fear of everyone leaving her or yelling at her. "Marron, Marron you still there?" Pan was waving her hands in front of her face, her little thought wondering ended as she snapped back to reality. "You were thinking of a guy weren't you?" "No, why?" "Don't lie to me your eyes had a glassy love look on them, so them us who is it?" "No one really" "Sure, sure whatever you say."

That morning Bulla woke up to the sound of her alarm. She rolled over and shut it off then rolled back over. On her floor was Pan and Marron sleeping soundly. She just about had her eyes shut when all of a sudden she snapped awake, they slept over last night! She jumped out of her bed and woke them up. "Get up come on, hurry please!" "Five more minutes" "No, now, before my mom comes up here" Marron was up first together the two worked in waking up Pan. Finally they managed to get her up. "Okay, so why can't your mom know that we're here?" "Because you know her she hates when anyone sleeps over without her knowing, and it's a school night" "What are we going to do then?" Bulla locked her bedroom door buying them at least two minutes. "Just hide" "Hide? Hide where? Let's just go home it will be easier" "No, time" Bulla turned as she heard her doorknob going back and forth. "Quick in my closet, hurry" She pushed them in and closed the door, then jumped in her bed. Her mom came back and unlocked it. Bulla kept her eyes shut and pretended to be asleep, as Bulma walked in and told her to get up for school, rolling over she hid her face in her pillows. Bulma walked out, leaving the door open and went downstairs. She rushed out of bed and went to the closet, Pan had her eyes closed and was resting under an empty clothes rack. Marron was sitting playing with a piece of string from an old art project. "Okay now you guys can leave" Bulla said helping Marron to her feet, then kicked the heel of Pan's foot. Bulla walked over to her window and pushed it open then pulled up the screen. The two climbed out of it and stayed on the roof. "I'll see you in a little bit" Then closed the window behind them. Now she started getting ready for school, even though the morning started out rough it was going to be a great day she could feel it.

As Bulla walked into homeroom a dread started overcoming her, would Pan and Marron really keep their promise and not say anything? And if they did say something, what would happen next? They were already there and talking to Goten, when she sat down next to them Pan started laughing "Oh my God you're here on time for once it's going to snow" "Hey I told you I could get here on time, when I feel like it" "Plus, how could you not, after all that happened this morning" Pan blurted out, both Marron and Bulla slapped her arms "Ow, come on why did you guys hit me?" "What happened this morning, everything okay?" "Yeah, things kind of got crazy because these two here accidentally slept over and they had to hide before my mom came upstairs" "Oh wow that is nuts because Pan never wakes up" "Hey, that's nice" Pan folded her arms and turned away from them. "I hate you guys" "We know, love you too" The day went well Bulla's secret stayed just that, and she did nothing in any of her classes because it was the last day of school for a week. She was happy that she didn't have to worry about that, she had enough to think about and school didn't need one more thing. She walked home by herself that day and it felt weird that no one was with her; rarely did her friends stay at school after 10th period.

When she arrived home she found at why she was alone, Pan and Marron had packed some clothes and gotten the okay from Bulma to have Bulla sleep over Pan's for the week. She never even had a chance to walk in the door before Pan was dragging her down the street. "Where are we going you guys?" "We are having a girls only weekend only it's not just for the weekend, for one week it will be just the three of us, no parents, no guys" "Does my mom know?" "Yep, well sort of you see we told her you were staying at my place and your not" "We're not?" "Nope we are taking you to a place where only the three of know about" Bulla started to worry, where her friends taking her to some sort of clinic where her little "problem" could be taken care of? A bus pulled up and the three got on, Marron handed the driver the tickets while Pan still had Bulla's bag and pushed her to the back of the bus. "Better get comfy it's about a half hour ride" Pan pulled out her cell phone and called her mom. "Hi mom, I just wanted to let you know that I'm going to be jumping from Bulla's house to Marron's all week, we have to work on something for math so just call my cell okay?…okay then talk to you later" Everything was finally done, the week was set all that was left was to show up.

Finally the bus stopped at their destination they didn't have to walk far to get to their temporary house. "We are staying at the boardwalk?!" "Yep, my parents have a summer home here so come on let's start our vacation!" Bulla walked with her friends happier then before, now she knew that they would never tell her secret. Plus, she knew why she was here; the best thing for her was to get away from her family, the source of her pain.

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_I'm sorry that this took forever to update and I feel so bad, this chapter sucks. I don't why it is so bad, I'm trying my hardest to recall my memories but without feeling everything every thing all over again it's really hard. I will try my best to make the chapters better, I feel that by writing this others will not feel alone and who knows that might help someone. Sorry I'm rambling again, so please Read and Review. _


	6. Girls Only

Chapter 6

**Girls Only**

**Disclaimer- **I own nothing

I stood outside the porch of the beach house, it was nice. Located in the best area of the beach, people didn't crowd this section and from the second story bedroom you could see the sunset. "So what do you think, cool huh?" Pan asked as she wrapped in arm around my shoulders. "Yeah it's great but why?" "Oh come one you are in need of a vacation and what better way then just three best friends at the beach for a week" "I guess your right, we could use a break" I walked up the stairs and inside, it was beautiful, so spacious and roomy. It gave off a peaceful, cozy, welcoming aura. Pan showed me the upstairs and where our bedroom was. "Don't worry we all won't be sharing a bed, but this one is bigger so two sleep here and someone else in the other." She opened the door connecting the two, "see another bed" "umm, okay which one is mine?" "This one because the power lugs are more accessible" "Power plugs?" "Oh yeah I forgot there is a stereo downstairs and a TV, but here there is nothing so we brought a portable DVD player for when we want to hang out up here at night" " Oh I got ya" Marron ran in the room and pulled Bulla out. "Here, come on change" Marron threw her into the bathroom with a bathing suit and closed the door. "Marron what…" "Less talking more changing"

Bulla walked out, a towel wrapped around her, she slipped her sandals on. She started looking for the others when she saw them relaxing in the sun. The sand felt great between her toes as she walked towards them. It had been so long since she had been to the beach. She removed her towel and placed it gently on the open lounge chair. She removed her shoes and walked briskly across the hot sand to the water. The cool water touched her ankles and she stopped. Little by little she moved in further, when she was half way in she dove down, completely submerging herself in the ocean's water. She came up for air and moved her hair from her face, to float on her back. She closed her eyes and let the waves move her. Since she was in the ocean she never got too relaxed for fear of drifting too far from land. It felt great to be back at the one place she loved for years, even as she got older.

Her time alone ended when she heard her friends come running in. When she stood back up Pan splashed water at her face. "Hey …what was that for?" "For leaving us to burn in the sun" "It's not my fault you guys like to tan for hours on end…" "Chill Bulla I'm kidding" Pan said as she splashed her again. "No we came we came to ask you if you were hungry, we are starving" "Yeah, come on, let's get food" The three started to leave the water, Bulla turned to look behind her, the sun would be setting soon and she always wanted to see it. "Hey Bulla?" she turned towards Marron, "yeah Marron?" "Depending on where we eat you can still see the sunset" "Okay, thanks for telling me" "No problem" They quickly ran in the house and threw on shorts and their shoes and headed to the boardwalk. Quickly deciding that they wanted "summer" food they passed up pizza and walked to a burger joint. As they sat and ate Pan and Marron picked out all the hot guys walking the boardwalk. 

The three walked arm locked in each other back to the house. They had an hour before sunset and the before the night parties started so they pulled out the stereo from inside and danced in the sand. Bulla collapsed trying to get back her breath from the crazy dancing she had done. "I'm glad we are friends, because only with friends can stuff like this happen" "Yeah but Bulla, we aren't friends, we are sisters" Pan said over her as she stood her back up.

The music was off and they sat together watching the sunset behind the horizon. Marron took her digital camera out and it's stand so she could get a picture of them with the three of them together with the setting sun as the backdrop "Thank you both for doing this, I hope we stay friends after high school" "Of course we will, because you never forget your true friends and no matter how much distance is between us our friendship will keep us close" Marron said, looking at Bulla. "Thanks Marron" She nodded as she turned back to the water.

After the sunset they ran back up the boardwalk to the shops that were still open. Changing bills to coins they ran to the arcade to blow it on DDR challenges vs. each other. Bulla was truly happy but she knew that it wouldn't last forever. It always started when she was in bed, her mind would really start thinking then. The true test started then, she just hoped she was strong enough.

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Okay here is a chapter long over due. I had this written about a month ago. But then I lost the beginning of the chapter so I had to find it. Hopefully I can remember my thoughts for the next chapter and get it up soon. Spring break starts for me in two days. WOOT!


	7. True Test

Chapter 7  
**True Test**

**Disclaimer- I own nothing**

You would think after a night with friends and filled with laughter it would be easy to fall asleep and forget past things. But for me it's not, for as much as I love the dark, I dread it. I will lie in bed and instead of sleeping I stay awake with my mind spinning with everything that happened today and other days. As I turn over for the thousandth time in an hour, I look at Pan. I know why she did this mini vacation and why I have to share a room with someone. They are scared, scared I might do something. I don't blame them for thinking that, because I might but I hate making them worry about my problems. It's my fault that I'm not good enough in school. It is my fault I'm not a good daughter or friend. I should be the only one to suffer for my mistakes. Nothing ever goes as planned for me. My dreams don't come true only nightmares. I wonder when this pain will stop. Knowing Pan's out cold I pulled my phone my phone out and moved down the list looking for a specific number. I put the phone by my ear and waited for the person to pick up. "Hello?" The voice was groggy and surprised. "Pan is that you, what's up?" "Hi, Goten, I'm sorry it's so late but I just wanted to talk, I miss you." "I miss you too, I can't wait until you come back home, I'm so bored." "You can't be that bored isn't Trunks there all week?" "Yea he is here right now, but I missed talking to you." There was silence for a few minutes before Goten spoke again. "Bulla is everything ok; Pan was acting really weird before she left?" "Yea everything is fine she was probably trying to make sure we didn't get caught before we left." "I don't think so but if you don't know then maybe it was all in my mind." "Maybe we both know your mind can wander, well Goten I can't keep my eyes open any longer, sorry to wake you." "It's okay, I'll talk to you when you get back because I don't dare call you, Pan would kill me… Oh one more thing. Bulla, I love you never forget that." The phone cut out after that, I lay in bed with my phone is on. Those words echoed in my head as I drifted off to sleep.

Morning came all too quickly, I felt like I just fell asleep. "Get up Bulla; you don't want to sleep the day away!" I rolled over and looked at the small alarm clock that was reading 8:15am. "Oh come on it's still early what is the rush?" I said still half sleeping. "Now you sound like me, we want to show you something before the beach goers come so hurry up." "Fine" I slowly pulled the covers off me and got up, I knew I wouldn't be allowed to shower so I washed my face and threw some clothes on. We walked down to the other side of the board walk and grabbed some breakfast. We ran over the rocks separating us from the normal section of the beach. "Where are you taking me?" "Relax Bulla it's just a little further you could hear the ocean by us, but I couldn't see it as we walked on. I wondered why we had to climb over the rocks in the first place it looked like the water never rose that high. As soon as we reached our destination I realized why they were there. We stood on the edge of a cliff, now only the ocean stood below us. Marron and Pan were already taking off their shoes and the bag they brought. "Come on Bulla what are you waiting for?" "What are you guys doing?" I asked as Marron walked dangerously close to the edge. "This!" Pan said as she ran past her and fell into the ocean. I ran next to Marron and looked down below, Pan was just surfacing. She pushed her hair out of her face and looked up at us. "Come on slowpokes the water is great!" Marron took a step back then yelled as she stepped off the edge. "Look out below!" I watched her hit the water and come up next to Pan. I wasn't sure if I wanted to do this I was scared of screwing up and really hurting myself. "Come on Bulla!" Pan yelled impatiently. "You'll be fine Bulla, if you're scared just close your eyes." I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. I thought of other things while I stepped off. My eyes snapped open as soon as I was under water. I went to push up with my feet to reach the surface faster but I didn't feel the ocean flooring under me. My mind quickly panicked knowing I was almost out of air and I wasn't the best swimmer. Scared of sinking more I thrashed my body and started kicking my legs. I was able to swim faster once I started moving up. I reached the surface and gasped for air. Pan moved closer and joked about me being scared. "Oh Pan stop this was a first for her, Bulla you okay you look shaken?" "Yea I'm fine just out of breath; I guess I shouldn't have starting holding it before I jumped." "Yea, you're better off waiting until you either jump or right before you hit the water, sorry it didn't dawn on me to tell you since I'm so used to this I forgot that." "It's cool at least I'll know for next time right?" "Yep, now you'll never have to guess what would happen…and you had us here so if something happened we could help you." "True, true"

We swam around for a little bit before swimming to the shore and going back to the top of the cliff. After we ate we jumped a few more times, it got easier for me to jump after that first time, the fear was replaced with excitement. It felt strange to laugh and smile willingly. Most of the time it is forced and fake, something here was making me so happy like before everything happened. The day passed quickly and by nightfall I was exhausted. Pan and Marron were downstairs planning something for tomorrow, a shopping trip from the sounds of it. I lay on my bed and tossed and turned. My arms ached from where I used to hurt myself. Why? It's like I could become addicted to it, could I? I was scared but going insane from the restlessness, my body was exhausted and wanted rest but my mind wouldn't stop. I sat up and walked into the bathroom, Marron had to have something I could use, anything. Finally I found a bobby pin; I bent it out of shape and noticed it was long with a slanted pointed edge. This was perfect, exactly what I was looking for.

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The week went by quickly. We had so many pictures to print it would take a few weeks. We boarded the bus on Saturday, with plans to chill on Sunday before school started again. I got home and Vegeta was training as usual, Bulma was watching T.V. and trunks was in his room doing who knows what. I threw my bags on the floor of my room; I turned my computer on and checked my e-mail. Twenty-two new messages…great this isn't what I wanted to do. I quickly delete all the junk ones and decide that the rest can wait since they are for stupid colleges that I can't get into anyway. I just finish brushing my hair to go hang at Marron's for the day when Bulma opened the door. "Hey Bulla how was Pan's?" "You can come in and fine we had a lot of fun." "That's good, I'm glad." "Yea, me too…hey mom I'm going to Marron's for a little bit, see about printing some of these pictures out. I'll be back in a little bit." "But, you just got home and your father will be upset, I mean he is already upset you were gone all week." "Oh well he'll live, see you later." I grabbed my purse and ran down the stairs to the door where Pan was waiting for me so her dad could drive us. "Hi, Gohan!" "Hi Bulla, nice to see you again, how's everything." "Nice to see you too and great." Somehow I managed to make small talk with Gohan and Pan the entire car ride. It's not like I have anything against him, but normally I'm off in my own little world and couldn't care less about what was being said. Marron was waiting outside when we got there; she quickly greeted Gohan then pushed us upstairs to her room.

We did print some pictures, does two count? For the rest of the time we did stupid things like mess with Marron's sun burn, print pictures of hot guys so we could hang them on our walls. Pan and I tried to beat each other at DDR while Marron watched because her sunburn really hurt when she played. We had to stop when my cell kept going off, asking when I was coming home. "Well I guess that's it for today for me, see you guys at school Monday or tomorrow if my mom has a get together, she has been planning one forever. I ran downstairs and asked Gohan n if he could drive me home. "Yea, I was about to ask you or Pan if you were coming with me."

Neither spoke much in the car; both had nothing really to say. When Gohan got to Capsule Corp. Bulla jumped out thanked him and walked in. Vegeta was walking out of the kitchen and heading upstairs to his room for the night. "Look who's finally home." Well excuse me for wanting to hang out with my friends!" "You saw them all week!" "Yea, so and it's not like I missed much you were training, mom was working, and Trunks was doing whatever!" "Oh whatever, never mind!" Vegeta huffed upstairs and slammed his door. "Vacations over" I mumbled as I walked upstairs to my room.  
She kept the light off as she turned on the stereo. Music flowed thru her, calmed her flared nerves. Anger coursed her arms and legs, she wanted to punch something or scream, maybe both. She sat down quickly before she put her hand thru something like her T.V. or computer, then she would be really mad. She laid down on her bed and let the music play; somehow she found the lyrics of the heavy metal playing soothing.

She bolted upright when she heard a knock behind her. It was Goten; he had a giant grin on his face as she opened the window for him. "What's so funny?" "Nice to see you too, babe, and I'm laughing at your reaction when I knocked. I'm going to go out on a limb and say I scared you." "Oh ha-ha, you're so funny Goten." "That's why we date" he pulled her to the bed and pulled her close to him. "I missed you, so much"  
"I missed you too Goten, I wanted to talk to you and see you every night but Pan liked to play keep away with my phone."

They talked for hours on her bed, just cuddling with the music playing.  
"Goten?" "Yea?"  
"Can you stay the night please?" "I guess so, if you really want me too."  
"I do" "Okay I will then."  
"Thank you"  
They finally separated when it was getting late and Bulla was getting uncomfortable in her clothes. She grabbed her pajamas and threw Goten a pair of Trunks sleep pants. "I took them last week thinking they were mine, so you can use them, I doubt Trunks will know they are missing." Bulla slipped into her bathroom and quickly switched clothes. She put on her favorite pair of pants and a pink tank top. She walked out after fixing her hair a little. Goten was sitting at her desk, "you look good." She blushed at the statement and his shirtless body. "You too" that was the first time she saw him shirtless, and was actually looking. She knew he swam shirtless and had seen him before this but tonight it was like seeing him for the first time.

He grabbed my hand and led me to the bed. I sat down and he put his hands on my shoulders and together we fell. He dropped his arms when I winced in pain. "Bulla, you okay?" _* Crap, my arms hurt, I know it's not from sunburn I couldn't get that lucky, but it's dark in here so Goten won't be able to tell I'm lying* _"Yea I'm okay, you just got my sunburn. I guess I didn't feel it before with my sleeves on." "Damn it Bulla, don't lie!" "Goten, I'm not!" "Shut up, why didn't you come to me?" "Goten, what are you talking about?!""I know!" He put his hand and head on the wall, his back towards me. "I know everything, Pan told me everything earlier in the week, she saw your shoulder on day and called me…I didn't want to believe her…how could you?" His voice was so soft it was hard to hear over the music. "I'm so sorry Goten, really I am, I never wanted it to come this far, I didn't want to hurt you, I'm such a failure." I pulled my legs to my chest as tears fell from my eyes. Goten turned around and saw her crying, he went to her and wrapped his arms around her. "Bulla you are anything but a failure, and don't worry I'm going to get the help you need and deserve." "NO!" she pulled away from him. "No, please promise me you won't take me somewhere, and my parents can't find out. I'm begging you; my dad knowing would not make anything better!" "Okay, I won't tell your parents, and I won't send to you to some intuition I promise, but Bulla, I won't leave your side. I'll always be right here to help you. Even when I can't be directly next to you I'll be in the shadows watching, making sure your safe."  
"Oh thank you Goten" she went back into his waiting open arms. That night she fell asleep in his arms. For the first time in her life since she become depressed she felt loved and protected, knowing she was no longer alone.

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_I'm so sorry….I know sorry doesn't cut it. I totally failed on updating this story sooner. I just never felt like writing it, I would look at it and say I really should finish this chapter but then I wouldn't and would work on another story. Chapter 8 will be focusing on Vegeta and Bulla's relationship and giving you a sense of what happened to them. I hope to update that before classes start again on the 21__st__….next week. Please Read and Review.  
~Femalefighter56~_


	8. Cause

Chapter 8

**Cause…**

**Disclaimer-** I own nothing!

**Author's note-**This chapter takes place before the story started and focuses mainly on Vegeta and Bulla.

_How could everything change? We used to be so close. Everything was perfect for us. What did I do wrong, or was it me, was it you?_

_Something missing,  
Left behind  
Search in circles  
every time I try_

Bulla sat in her room looking at old tapes she found while she helped her mom clean out the shelf of movies in the living room. They were tapes of her family when she was still a child, and wasn't born yet. Her parents were downstairs arguing about something stupid from what she heard. Why didn't they just get divorced already? Her mother threatened to throw him out multiple times and it wasn't like her brother or herself wanted him to stay. He was always thinking about himself. He would do nothing for anyone when they needed help but he was cry when no one volunteered to help.

Bulla watched each tape trying to find something that could explain the change in his. She hoped to find the reason that she no longer looked up to her father as such a great man. Each tape showed smiles and laughter from both of them so what went wrong? She wanted to ask him, what happened to our relationship, and can it every go back?

_I've been here before  
I've seen you before_

_*flashback*_

"Dad, Trunks is sick so mom can't come to the band concert so will you come." "It sounds like I don't have a choice." "Well, you see this kind of works out because for the spring we are doing all old rock songs that I know you listen to when working out, and I wanted to surprise you but…" Bulla was in the fourth grade and joined band, it was the first time she every really played an instrument and since she was given the chance she had to give it a try. She played the Clarinet and it wasn't bad, it wasn't her first choice but she still enjoyed playing. She got so much pleasure showing her parents all she could do, make them proud of all she could accomplish. That night as the band performed "We will rock you" and "Another one bites the dust." Bulla couldn't wait to see her dad's smile; she knew he would enjoy it so much. When she was done she ran up to meet him by the band room doors. The smile she had on could brighten even the darkest room. "So dad, what did you think, are you glad you came or what?" "Yea, it was great now come on lets go home." He gave his usual small happy smile which made her night. When they got home Bulla ran to her room to finish her homework before bed. While she finished her math homework she was unaware that tonight would be one of the last few times he would go see her.  
_*end flashback*_

Bulla turned off the tapes, she couldn't watch anymore. She started cleaning her room in attempt to clean her mind from the memories. With the radio blaring and the dust swirling around her, she was able to forget the past, just like she had before. Bulla was halfway under her bed pulling out what was under it when something poked her hand. She gave out from underneath holding a blue ribbon. "Oh yea I almost forgot about this, go figure." It was a first place ribbon for her sixth grade science fair that was required by every student.

_I can't escape winding down these halls  
Hard to find a place where there are no walls  
and no lines begging me to cross  
only straight ahead better move along_

Bulla couldn't stop the past from coming back. It always crept up on her; every little she did brought some thought of her previous relationship with Vegeta. A wave of release washed over her when Pan called and wanted to know if she wanted to play tennis with her because she was bored and felt like playing.

Bulla ran across court to hit the ball back, just making to the ball and in the lines. Another lucky shot, but then again that was how she played. In her mind she wasn't a good player, she was just a lucky one. They played for a few hours until they couldn't breathe anymore. Pan had to get home to help her mom so Bulla sat at the courts before she walked back home. On her way out she saw the sign reminding the men's team that the spring sports awards was next week and to remember it was semi-formal. "Man I am so happy I don't play a spring sport just one a year for me is too much."

_Like Clockwork  
I commit the crime  
I pretend to be  
everything they like_

_*flashback*_

Once Bulla started high school everything changed. She was happier to be out of middle school, a place she couldn't stand, but it felt like her whole life was changing. Tennis was always a sport she enjoyed learning about so now that she was given the chance to play she took it. At the end of the season the school held a sports award for all the fall teams. Awards were given out to most improved, to most spirit. Bulla had no idea what to expect really since she had never gone to one so her and her parents got dressed and went. When it ended Bulla had a massive headache from sitting there for three hours bored out of her mind. As soon as she got in the car her father started bitching about how long and boring it was like it was Bulla's fault. "I'm so sorry dad that I took you out to something that I had no idea what it was like!" She noticed he was always fighting with her anymore. She could do nothing right it seemed. In tennis she would make stupid mistakes and would never play enough, or she would get yelled at by him for not serving like everyone else even though it was because she couldn't figure out how to serve the "right way" yet.

With everything bad that was happening to her nothing could prepare her for the hurt she felt when she had the winter and spring concert for her chorus class. When she got ready to go to her dad sat in the kitchen and said he wasn't going because he wasn't sleeping right and those things were boring to him. Bulla was pissed as she walked out to the car with her mom, but she didn't let it get to her.

_I've been here before  
I've seen you before_

She forgave him in her mind and moved on. As the year processed she got further and further from him.

Bulla sat on her computer and uploaded pictures off of her digital camera. She had so many from the past few months that it was taking forever. While she waited she organized the folders that were holding the files of her pictures. She had hundreds of pictures from parties, to concerts, to trips and even simple hangouts. One folder was from the talent show freshman year.

Pan and Marron decided to enter together, both wanted Bulla to join them but Bulla loved doing it by herself. The music hit her in a way she couldn't describe to others. The exact way she danced to something changed every time so counts and things were hard for her. For weeks after school and homework Bulla worked on a dance, the song changed consistently from day to day. Two days before the audition, to make sure your act was okay to go on, Bulla picked her song. "Welcome to my life." By Simple Plan. That song always spoke to her; it was the perfect choice for her right now. The audition went well and she was ready to continue practicing it, adding little things to enhance the lyrics that just had to stand out.

Finally the night was upon he, her mom was excited to go, and even Trunks was willing to go. Bulla had a spring in her step that couldn't be stopped. Her mom drove her to the school because Bulla had to be there an hour early so everything could be double checked before the show started. "Bulla, I just want to wish you good luck out there, and don't be surprised if your father doesn't come." "What! Why, what's his excuse this time?!" "He says he's not trying to relive his teenage years through his kids, like I am." "But you're not, you're supporting me, I mean it's not like I'm doing this because you want me too, I'm doing it because I want to!" "I know, and you're right, but I'm just saying." Bulla got out of the car and slammed the car door, pissed and fighting back tears. By the time she got backstage with everyone else she was calmer and joking around.

The show went well for her and her friend, neither placed but it was so much fun. When Bulla got home Vegeta was sitting on the couch relaxing. "So how did it go?" Bulla stormed passed him and ran to her room; she could never forgive her father for this. He hurt her so badly he could never make it up to her. "What's her problem?" He looked up the stairs, "Honestly, Vegeta what do you think?"

Days later Bulla still hardly spoke to him. She wanted nothing to do with him anymore. He tried to joke around with her and try to get her to laugh but she would turn around and walk away. "What is your problem, Bulla?" "What is my problem, are you seriously going to ask that?! Fine if you want to know I'll tell you! My problem is you!" "Hey remember who you are talking to!" "How could I forget? But you wanted to know, you are an ass okay, you really don't care that you crushed me by not coming to support the other night!" "Fine, I'm sorry, okay, is that what you wanted to hear?!" "No, it isn't I cannot and will not forgive you!" Bulla turned and ran to her room. She was shaking with anger as she knocked everything out of her way. Now that he knew she hoped deep down that it would reach his icy heart but she already knew it never would.  
_*end flashback*_

Bulla stopped looking at the pictures and sat on her bed. She cried at all the horrible memories that were flooding her mind. The pain she had felt then, for all those times, at all the different reasons, ripped back open. Her chest, her soul ached with pain that she couldn't escape from any longer.

_And I trade everything for this  
And I trade everything for this  
Why do I read the writing on the wall  
Why do I read the writing on the wall  
I won't lose my place in line  
I've been here too long and I've spent too much time  
I won't lose my place in line  
I've been here too long and I've spent too much time_

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_This chapter started badly but I hope it got better, any questions just ask. The Song was These walls by Trapt. I don't own the song or band. _


	9. Effect

Chapter 9

**Effect.**

**Disclaimer-**I do not own the characters or the songs in this chapter so please don't sue.

~_You're the reason I hurt, I cry, I bleed. You will never know because you never cared. Your eyes are never open to the truth, and I hate you for that. With this dagger I will end the pain that will never heal as long as you are here, I won't be. You're my murderer._

Everything is blurry, am I really living life or just letting it pass by? Why can't I remember life before this? Can I ever move on and get my life back? Should I ask someone for help? Would they even help me? Why can't I see the light, will I ever see it again or am I doomed to walk in darkness?

Things were slipping from Bulla and she nor anyone else seemed to notice. Her grades were dropping, her social life was gone, and her attitude carried nothing but hatred. The only thing she could count on was her friends. While according to her parents they didn't talk much they never left her side. Her parents never noticed all the changes or if they did they didn't say anything. Bulla couldn't break from this on her own but she didn't let them help her, everything seemed so frozen.

"Goten, we can't let this continue she is only getting worse."  
"I know Pan, but what can we do, she won't let us take her somewhere for help and she refuses to think about pills. Plus, she hasn't done anything to herself, not that I want her to, far from it actually but maybe she won't let us help her is because something is upsetting her and once she gets past it she can get better.  
"Goten, I need to tell you something, Bulla, she wanted us to keep it from you, but maybe you can save her." She looked down at the ground, ashamed of not telling anyone sooner. "Bulla cuts herself, on the shoulders so no one can tell, and when I found out she never went deep enough to bleed but she still does it."  
"Pan you idiot you should have told me sooner, I can't believe you never told me!"  
"Marron and I thought we could help her before it got this bad, she asked us not to tell anyone so we tried."  
"I can't believe this! I gotta go!"  
"Where are you going?"  
"To save her! I'll call you later!"  
Goten ran out the door to Pan's house and ran towards Bulla's. He had to hurry, who knew what she was doing, he should never have left her for the night. How could he have been so blind, every time he touched her shoulders she would flinch. Her eyes were so lifeless, she even faked her smile. "Wait for me Bulla, please." He got to her house and noticed the back door was locked. "Shit!" He tried the front and nothing. "The one time I need to get in and no one is home." He ran to the side of the house and checked the basement which was unlocked; he pushed it open and ran upstairs to the kitchen. He could hear her stereo blasting which meant she was home. He was going to go to her bedroom but knew the door would be locked. He went into the cabinet where all the spares where kept and grabbed them all. He got upstairs and started pounding on the door while he searched through the keys for one that looked like it would work. "Bulla let me in! I know you are in there!" He grabbed a key and slammed it in the lock. With luck the knob turned and he swung the door open. Bulla was lying on the bed, her face on her pillow. Goten had a hard time seeing her with only the light from the stereo and even that was covered. She lifted her head up and tears were running down her face. He ran in and wrapped his arms around her, lifting her body off the bed. She was pinned in his arms, not she had the strength to fight him.  
"It hurts, I can't take this anymore, make this stop."  
"I will Bulla I promise, I'm going to make it go away."  
"Goten…I'm sorry"  
"Sshh, I'm sorry, I should have known, you were giving me signs I just wasn't paying attention." He kept his arms around her as he sat on the bed.  
"Bulla, I'm going to get help for you tomorrow, okay?"  
"No, I…I can't let anyone in my family know, I won't be able to face them after."  
"But Bulla you need help, you can't do this alone anymore."  
"Please…don't…Goten"  
She put her head on his shoulder and fell asleep. He moved his arms and laid her on the bed. He moved the stereo cover back a little so more light could enter the room. She looked so pale and ghostly from the light, he couldn't believe depression could do that to someone. He would have to do research on it for ways to spot it and ways to help her.  
"Bulla, what could have caused this?"  
He sat down on her bed again and brushed her hair from her face, new tears had formed under her closed eyes. He kissed them away then moved her sleeve; he had to know what she was doing. He could see lines going down her arm, stopping just where the sleeve ended. There were five or six fresh marks, most going deep enough to draw little droplets of blood. She also had a few old marks that were starting to fade. He didn't have to look at the other arm to know it was just as bad.

As the night went on he started getting ready to sleep. He already knew he wasn't leaving so he had to make preparations to get comfy. He closed the door finally and lowered the stereo so no one in the house would hear it when they got home. He rummaged through her pants draw for something he could wear because he knew he could sleep in his jeans but the belt would get in the way and if he took it off his pants would be by his ankles if he turned over during the night. He finally came across her tennis sweats that she bought during the season and threw them on. He moved her over slightly and laid down next to her. He didn't know how he was going to help her yet but he knew in his heart that as long as they got through this night everything would start to go up hill.  
"Goten you still here, what time is it?"  
"Its 10:30 and your parents just got back…but even so I told you I wasn't leaving, you know I will always be right here for you."  
Bulla sat up and moved closer to Goten. She rested her head on his chest and listened to his heart beat. He held her close as they both shut their eyes. The stereo was changing songs, both went to sleep hearing:

_This is the last night you'll spend alone_

_Look me in the eyes so I know you know_

_I'm everywhere you want me to be._

_The last night you spend alone, _

_I'll wrap you in my arms and I won't let go,_

_I'm everything you need me to be._

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_I'm sorry I never update this story. I really don't know why I don't I like this story and really want it out there. I'm going to try and post more before I start my fall semester in September. I'm aiming for at least two more chapters. Please review and talk to you all soon._


	10. Discoveries

**Chapter 10**

**Discoveries**

**Disclaimer-**I own nothing, not the characters or the songs.

Author's note- please be advised there is language in this chapter…I forget the rating for this story so I'm just letting you know.

The sun broke in the gaps of the blind, hitting Bulla in the face. She rolled over and looked at Goten, who was still sleeping. He had an arm wrapped around her waist. She smiled and pulled it off gently so she could get up, with the clock reading 9:30 she knew her parents were already up and doing whatever, Trunks was still probably asleep. She would have to hide Goten so he could leave without getting caught and both getting in trouble. She pulled the covers up higher on him and walked into the bathroom, hopefully no one would walk in with him still asleep. That was the last thing she needed, for her parents to think she was sleeping with someone. Well in some ways she was but it wasn't in the way most thought of, actually she liked this way better. She washed her face and got dressed before walking back into the bedroom, and woke Goten up. "Hey you, time to get up, I have to do things today," He mumbled something but opened his eyes. "Good morning, what time is it?" "Its ten minutes to ten, and my parents have plans today so if you don't want to get yelled at for sleeping over, I would get up." Goten got up and searched for the clothes he had on yesterday. "Cute pants, where'd you get them?" "Oh ha ha very funny. I'll go to your bathroom and change, okay?" "Yea, I'll let you know if anyone comes upstairs." He nodded as he walked into the other room. Bulla laid on her bed and listened to the activity going on downstairs. Everything was quiet until Vegeta started yelling at Bulma. Bulla couldn't tell for what exactly, but he seemed to be throwing a tantrum. Bulla closed her eyes and tried to block him out, his voice made her blood boil even when it wasn't directed to her.

She sat up and kicked her legs over the bed. Goten walked into the room and looked at her. "You okay?" "Yea I think so." "Do you have to go?" "Sadly yes, my mom promised my grandmother we would visit." Bulma's parents were staying in a town a few towns over for a little while for a new Capsule Corporation to finish and be launched. Bulma promised to visit her mother at least once a month so she wouldn't be completely alone while her father was working. "Well if you need me just call, I have to do something with my dad and brother later but I can get out of it if I need to." "I should be alright, my dad usually holds his temper when we have to go somewhere, but I will if I have to I promise." Goten kissed Bulla's forehead then opened the window and jumped on the roof. He didn't want to risk going downstairs and being spotted by anyone. He smiled one last time before jumping down on the deck and running. "Bulla, are you up yet?" "Yea, I'm coming!" "Hurry up then I want to go already!" "I said I was coming!" She could tell today was going to be a long day.

Bulla sat in the back of the car, Trunks was next to her playing one of his portable game systems. Bulma was driving and was talking to Vegeta about something. Bulla texted with Pan for a lack of anything better to do, she hated car rides they were so boring. *Bulla, are you mad at me for telling Goten?* *Not really, I saw it happening eventually, sorry to involve you.* *Don't mention it, you're my friend and that's what friends do.* Bulla, can I ask you something…what caused this exactly, I mean usually it's because someone does bad at school or get dumped, but you didn't.* * I don't know really, maybe it's just life, maybe all the pressure just got to me.* *Maybe, well I just hope everything fixes itself soon, I miss you.* *I miss you too* They kept texting until she arrived and she had to stop before her mom got mad. It was nice to see her grandmother again, they were very close and Bulla could always relax whenever she was near her.

Bulla sat at the table, she may be half Saiyan and able to eat a lot, but her grandmother knew how to overdo it. "I think I ate way too much." "How's up for dessert, I made cake." "Ugh, I think I'm going to be sick." "Bulla, are you feeling okay?" "Never mind" "Mom why not wait a little bit, we are still stuffed from dinner." "Oh okay, we can wait if you want." Trunks and Bulla walked into the living room while the others talked. She looked at her phone that was sitting on the coffee table. She noticed she had a new text message. *How's it going, I miss you, but went fishing earlier and caught huge fish, snapped the pole but I didn't let it get away.* She started laughing as she text him back. *poor fish, never knew what hit him, miss you too.* Bulla sat and waited for her phone to go off again but no response, she figured he wasn't able to answer back, especially if he was fishing with his dad and brother. *_Goten is so lucky to be able to do that with his dad. They are so close, I wish my family was like that.*_ As the day started to end her family got ready to leave. When Bulla said good-bye to her grandmother she was pulled close and her grandmother whispered to her, "take care, I love you so much and I don't know what I would do if I lost you, your a sweet girl, I'm here when you need me." Bulla pulled away and smiled. "Thank you, take care too."

The entire time home Bulla thought about what she said. How did her grandmother know something was wrong? How strange that the day after she thought about killing herself someone tells her that they can't lose her. She half thought about it then smiled. * _I guess someone needs me in this world after all. I shall try and get better for her, she shall be my reason to fight.*_

After she had gotten home she text Goten. * Do you think you could come over again tonight?* *Yea I'll be there in a few.* *Okay see you soon.* Bulla quickly changed into her pajamas and straightened her room up. She had just sat on her bed when her phone lit up. *I'm here, how am I getting in?* *Window, parents are still up.* She got up an opened the window as Goten climbed up from the railing on the porch. "One day I'm going to break that rail." "It's okay I won't blame you, I'll blame age." He walked on the roof and into her room; he threw his bag on the floor by her bed. "What's that?" "I came prepared today, I brought clothes." "Oh, okay, if you want you can leave them in a draw here…but you have to wash them. I'm so not doing your laundry."

They sat and talked for awhile before Bulla was called downstairs by her parents. I'll be back." "I'll be here, I'm going to change." "Okay, and promise me no matter what you won't come downstairs, remember you aren't here." With that she walked downstairs. She just barely made it down the stairs before Vegeta started yelling. He was belittling her about something she had done last night before Goten came over, not that he knew about that. She tried defending herself but it wasn't working, it only made him worse. Finally he cursed her off than walked away. Bulla ran back upstairs in tears. She ran into her room and slammed the door. She couldn't do anything right anymore, why did she even try? Goten went to her and wrapped his arms around her, keeping her close to him while she cried. When she stopped she pulled herself away, he watched her closely as she forced herself up. She walked to her bed and collapsed on top of it. She waited a minute before shifting to sit on her knees. Goten couldn't see her body in the dark room, not even the stereo was on to provide light. "I'm going to stop the pain." She whispered to herself. Goten moved closer, asking her what she meant. Goten bolted towards her, grabbing her wrist as a car light lit up the room quickly, exposing the needle. "Bulla give me the needle." "My body wants me to do this; it's the only way to kill the pain." "No it's not, don't do this you know you don't want to, you know its wrong." "Get away from me, you don't understand, how could you, your life is perfect!" "My life isn't perfect no one's is but you have to learn to get past the bad things and move towards the good." "It's not possible, now go away! Stop trying to be my hero because it's just not possible!" He pushed her onto the bed and removed the needle. "I'm not trying to be you hero, but I can't lose you!" "Yea right, now fuck off!" She pushed him away with her arms and legs. He slipped on a show and fell into the metal chair that she was using as a desk chair. With the crash Bulla snapped out of it and jumped off the bed. "Goten, oh my God are you okay? I'm so sorry I didn't mean to hurt you." She went to him and lifted his head off the chair. Goten sat up and felt his head, it wasn't bleeding or cut. "Bulla you okay up there, what was that crash?" Bulla froze at her moms' voice coming from the bottom of the stairs. "Go tell her everything is fine." Goten said to her as he tried to stand up. Bulla stood up and went outside of her room. "Its okay mom just knocked my chair over." "Oh, okay, well as long as you are okay, and who are you yelling at!" "I'm talking to Pan it's a long story." "Okay" "Yea" was all she said as she walked back into her room. This time she put on the stereo so the voices wouldn't be heard downstairs. "Goten I feel horrible about this, I shouldn't have gotten so angry with you, this isn't me." "I know, that's why I'm here, listen, I want you to talk to me, get mad, hate me if you have to, just as long as we get you back." She fell to the floor again and started crying. "I hate him, I shouldn't hate him but I do, he never says anything nice, he treats us like some idiots! He says we are childish but he is the only child!" Bulla went on about her father and about how he belittles and embarrasses her mother. "He can't be supportive, I mean I know he doesn't like to show loving emotion for it's a sign of weakness but even he has ways of showing something." She pounded the floor with her fist. "I wish my father was like yours, sure you guys may not be perfect but it has to be better than this."

Goten lifted up her chin and wiped off the tears that were pouring from her eyes. "Bulla your sorrow, your anger, pain, most of this comes from what your father has or hasn't done. You have kept this inside you for so long that your body can't handle it anymore leaving you with what's going on now. I have known you since you were little and you used to be so outgoing, now you are shy and quiet. Your father has changed you, and he may or may not know it. I want you to stay away from him; it will help you get better." She looked at him with confusion in her eyes. "Stay away, but he is my father, we live together." "I know and when you are forced together sit away from him." He stood up and reached out a hand for her. "I know it's not going to be easy but I'll do all I can to help you stay away from him, I know you can do it." She grabbed his hand and stood up. "I'll do my best for you and my grandmother, because according to you guys you don't know what you will do without me."

They moved to the center of the room and slow danced. Bulla wasn't really paying attention because Goten asked about what her grandmother said. Goten was listening to her and not to the music so the heavy metal playing didn't stop their dance. He now knew the source of her pain, something that wasn't easy to admit for her. He knew though that they were making progress and the more she talked and maybe saw the truth for herself she would be able to get past this on her own. He could see the fire inside her burning brighter then she thought. Her willpower to overcome this was incredible and he could tell that great things would happen in her future if this kept up. "Hey Bulla," She looked up at him. "Yea" "I don't think you're as lost as you thought."  
She smiled her embarrassed but thank you smile and moved closer to him as they continued to dance.

I can't believe it's over  
I watched the whole thing fall  
And I never saw the writing that was on the wall  
If I'd only knew  
The days were slipping past  
That the good things never last  
That you were crying

Summer turned to winter  
And the snow it turned to rain  
And the rain turned into tears upon your face  
I hardly recognized the girl you are today  
And god I hope it's not too late  
It's not too late  
'Cause you are not alone  
I'm always there with you  
And we'll get lost together  
Till the light comes pouring through  
'Cause when you feel like you're done  
And the darkness has won  
Babe, you're not lost  
When your worlds crashing down  
And you can't bear the thought  
I said, babe, you're not lost

Life can show no mercy  
It can tear your soul apart  
It can make you feel like you've gone crazy  
But you're not  
Things have seem to changed  
There's one thing that's still the same  
In my heart you have remained  
And we can fly fly fly away

'Cause you are not alone  
And I am there with you  
And we'll get lost together  
Till the light comes pouring through  
'Cause when you feel like you're done  
And the darkness has won  
Babe, you're not lost  
When the worlds crashing down  
And you cannot bear the cross  
I said, baby, you're not lost  
I said, baby, you're not lost  
I said, baby, you're not lost  
I said, baby, you're not lost

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_Yay a new chapter for this story that didn't take 6 months, hope you liked this chapter. The song in the end is Lost by Michael Buble, I own nothing. Please _

_~Femalefighter~_


	11. What I Feared

Chapter 11

**What I feared**

**Disclaimer- **I own nothing

Two weeks had gone by and so far Bulla was able to stay away from Vegeta. Her blood boiled at his presence and voice still, but she managed not to fight or cry. Goten was still by her side every night, the two had gotten much closer and it amazed her. Chi-chi and Goku had found out about Bulla when they asked Goten why he left the house every night. He told them nothing the night they asked but Bulla went with him and told them everything. Bulla felt bad that her boyfriend's parents knew about this before her own knew but she knew it was for the best. Chi-chi was very supportive and was glad that Goten was helping. Both promised not to say a word to Bulma and Vegeta but promised that they would go with her to them if she wanted.

At school at school all the juniors were encouraged to not go to gym and go to a program held about depression one week. Since her parents didn't know or really care about the program they didn't opt her out. Even if they did her friends would have forced her to go anyway. So that Monday Bulla, Pan, Marron, and Goten all filed into one of the side wings of the auditorium, and watched the presenters show a horribly acted video of depression. They passed out fliers filled with information on causes, treatment, and little side facts. Throughout the entire thing Goten held on to Bulla hand, she was so happy that he was there with her because at times she felt like they were talking only to her. At the end of the program the guidance department passed out a survey evaluating each student on if depression affected them. Bulla filled it out truthfully with the promise of talking to some professional. Everyone had wanted her to talk but she had refused, now was her chance, she didn't have to talk to her guidance counselor that she never liked and was able to talk to someone everyone recommended and liked. Everyone froze when they got to the last question; do you or someone you know suffer from depression? If so would they like to talk to someone? Everyone circled yes to both but put anonymous when asked for the name, they didn't want to force her to speak. Bulla easily circled yes to both but before she handed it in she looked at Goten for support. Was she really doing the right thing? Could she really talk to someone that didn't know her? He mouthed for her to do it so she got up and handed it in letting fate take over. When they were able to leave they all got up and walked to their next class. Everyone decided not to talk about it other than the cheesy acting.

Bulla had gotten through the day, when she was called down to guidance. She texted Goten that they wanted to see her before she left for the day, he got back to her later and told her not to worry he would be there. When the final bell rang Goten met her at her class and they walked down together. "I probably can't go in with you but I'll stay outside, I'll go in only if you need me." "Okay, that works, I feel better just knowing you're right outside." "At least its Sutton you get to talk to, I heard she is pretty cool." "Yea, I hate mine, she has never helped me, every time I go to her she does nothing, she is part of the reason I got so bad." "I knew you disliked her for multiple reasons but you never said entirely why." "Yea, I'll tell you later if you want, I don't trust her either, I get an odd feeling around her, one that just doesn't sit right." They walked into the guidance office and waited for someone to come out. Bulla's heart sank when she saw her normal counselor come instead of the one she was supposed to see. "Hello Bulla, Goten, thanks for coming, Bulla if you will follow me. Goten please wait here." Bulla took a deep breath and a final look at Goten before following her. When they walked into her office Bulla sat down and looked around. _*I'll_ just make this quick, I don't want to stay any longer than I have to. Not with her anyway.* "Bulla thank you for wanting to talk, I know Mrs. Sutton usually handles this but she had a family emergency and I want to make sure your okay to go home, so tell me what's up?" Bulla told her about the pressure to do well and how she didn't like class (for the third time this year); she figured she could really talk about the details with Sutton later, whenever she came back. "Well Bulla you're a strong girl and think you will be okay, your family issues will get better, everyone has family trouble when they get to high school because of conflicts of interest." She paused, fixed her leaning position on her desk and continued. "Does your father hit you?" "No, he has never laid a hand on me!" *_(That's the second time I've told her that…why does she think my dad hits me every time I'm under a lot of pressure to do well?)* _Bulla quickly spat back annoyed that she would ask that. She could tell Goten was listening outside the door. His ear didn't have to be pressed against the door to hear them; the school never did have great privacy methods. "Okay I had to make sure, now before you go I need to ask you one more thing; can I see your wrists?" Again Bulla without worry flipped her hands around to show her wrists, she knew there was nothing there to see. *_Yes check my wrists cause there isn't anything there, you don't believe me anyway so let's add this to the reasons why.* _"Thank you Bulla, your free to leave and don't worry you'll be okay." Bulla got up and left quickly, it took all her willpower to not slap her as she left. Goten was sitting in a chair by the door. "I really hate that woman Bulla, she is completely useless!" He said as they walked out of the department. "I told you that, but that is my luck I get the one person I never want to talk to or see." They walked out of the building and headed towards her house. "Yea, it will get better when I'm dead!" "Bulla! That's not funny, don't even joke about that!" "Your right, I'm sorry but she really pisses me off, every time I need her help she blows me off…what the fuck, if I wanted to get blown off I would ask my father for advice! I go to people to talk to, to get help and she acts like I'm doing this for kicks, like I wanted to get out of class or something, this is why I didn't want to talk, no one listens! I don't cut myself, or at least not in the usually place so I can't show them that, and when I tell them what's wrong they say it's nothing!" She stopped walking and stared off into the distance, Goten stood behind her and watched. "Sometimes I wish I could cut my wrists, just so people would believe me, I know I'm depressed I get that but I feel so alone because I always get blown off, I have than and I do now." Goten walked in front of her and grabbed her shoulders, "I believe you, I know you better than everyone else because I can clearly see you, all the others try to fit you into the stereotype of depression and you made sure that people didn't see that, you never wanted to make others worry, or to have people talk about you behind your back. Bulla I know you wanted someone to believe you other than me and the girls. I can almost guarantee you that someone will, and it will be soon." "You really think so, I just want someone to listen, and I've lost my voice because it always falls on deaf ears." "I think your voice will come back when you need it most." She grabbed his hand and smiled as she started to walk home again. Bulla kept thinking about the end of the school year, summer was just around the corner and she would be free to do as she please, mostly. Bulla loved the summer and she planned to enjoy it as much as possible. The sun, the beach (even if she hadn't been there in years,) she couldn't wait. Maybe with better weather and no more horrible English she would feel better. "Oh did I tell you my English teacher is having a baby so we are getting a sub for the rest of the year." "I thought you liked English or are you just hoping you won't have to do work anymore?" "Yea, I see now that I left you out on a lot of things, I'm sorry. See I can't stand the class, me and group work doesn't mix, especially when you're forced with groups that you don't get along with." "Well it couldn't have been that bad." "Let's just say I was with people that teased me about my brother, people stare a lot in that class, I always got stuck with stupid parts or just completely left out, the teacher loved the whole group work idea so we did that sooo many times, but I don't think the sub likes it that much so, woot!" "You said woot, what a freak." He pushed her playfully to the side, only a little harder than he wanted. She yelped as she fell over. "Bulla, I'm sorry, are you okay, here let me help you up." He reached down and extended his hand to her. She grabbed him and pulled him down. She started laughing at him, he looked so scared to be so close to her in a semi-public place, anyone could think of something very wrong. She pushed him off her then stood up to brush the dirt off her. "Goten, did you know?" "How did I know what Bulla?" "To come to my house that first night you stayed, before you came I was thinking of ways to kill myself, I didn't think I was capable of doing it but still I figured I had nothing to lose." "I came because Pan told me about your cutting, and the pieces started falling into place I guess. I had this feeling you were hurting, almost dying and in some ways I was right." "Okay, now answer me this, how can you see what I don't, are my eyes closed to the truth? I mean you found out my father was one main reason for all this to happen yet I was still searching for it." "Maybe you couldn't accept it, or maybe because you were so upset all the time your mind just wasn't let the truth hit you. Maybe you still can't accept the truth and that's why your eyes aren't seeing things as clearly as you would like." "Yea maybe your right, I guess I still have a lot of work to do before I can really be myself again." "We all knew this wasn't going to be an easy task to fix quickly." The rest of the way home Bulla thought about it, she thought about seeing clearly, looking for truths in all the questions she had. Would she ever find the truth, would she ever be able to get herself back, accept everything and fix all the problems she was facing? The only thing she was a hundred percent positive about was that she had Goten to help her.

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_Okay kinda short compared to the last chapter but where I start makes more sense as a chapter and not a paragraph. Please review guys, the next chapter is it! I can't believe it, it's taken me forever to get this far but still it's sad to see it end. I may add another chapter as an epilogue, haven't decided it all depends where I stop at for the last chapter. Again please review, at least this chapter because this chapter is closest to my heart. 95% of the stuff that happens to Bulla and what she says is all things I went through. Love you all!!_

_~Femalefighter~_


	12. Open Eyes

Chapter 12

**Open Eyes**

**Disclaimer- **I own nothing, not the characters or the song

Summer vacation came and went for Bulla and her friends. She spent a week with her grandmother, best week ever. She got back and had to start thinking about her senior year. She nearly cried when she got her schedule on the first day of school. Everything was perfect before home room; she got up bright and early, picked out a cute outfit, fixed her hair, added a little makeup, grabbed her tennis gear and was out the door. She should have known it wasn't good anymore when she realized her homeroom teacher was no longer her homeroom teacher and her effective communication teacher wasn't who it had been for the past several years. Now it was her last year English teacher. Bulla slammed her head on the table, "I suddenly want to go home and crawl under my covers." Pan and Marron looked at her paper, "sweet we have that class together." Bulla lifted her head up and looked at her "Really?" "Yep, see." "Pan shoved her paper in her face. Period 6/7 effective communication, Period 8 Lunch with everyone, Marron, Pan, and Bulla had theater together Period 9 and Period 10 she had theater tech. with Goten. She knew it was with him because there was only one class of it and he wanted her to take it with him since they both needed something like it to graduate. "Okay so I guess I can handle it but you guys can't leave me; if you do I go home…or drop the class whichever is easier."

Bulla made her way to math; this school really was trying to kill her. Math wasn't her friend and she always had it early every year. At least she knew she had an awesome teacher and a few people she got along with were with her. Second period she had chorus again with Pan. She was a little nervous about it this year since she would have a new teacher. The other one she knew since middle school, but she moved out of state during the summer. Pan was all smiles as she walked in, apparently there was some very cute boys in her first period class. The next class went by fast and she knew it would be the easiest. Cooking, almost every senior took it because it was the easiest class offered. Goten was in this class with her too making it easy and entertaining. Soon the class ended and she went to the next class, the one she was scared about all day. What would happen in this class, would it be a repeat of last year or would it be different? Would it be for better or for worse?

Bulla walked in, her teacher smiled and told her she was happy to see her back in her class again. Bulla smiled and quickly found a seat in the back. Luckily for her Pan and Marron weren't far behind, they sat by her and talked about the day so far. Right before the bell rang Goten ran in, Bulla was surprised to see him; she never thought he was a fan of public speaking. "Goten, what are you doing here? Why are you taking this class?"  
"It was this or Greek mythology English, and as much as I love Greek gods and all I don't want to read its stuff for a full year."  
"When did you decide this class?"  
"Last year when I got the class list and saw what I had to take." Bulla mouthed "oh" and fixed herself in the chair. The teacher started class by passing out all the mandatory papers. Sitting there, with her friends around her Bulla realized that maybe she could do, she wasn't alone, and she never had been.

School had been back in session for a few months now. Bulla had pretty high grades; she was pretty sure her teacher in her effective comm. Teacher was pushing her really hard, because Pan wasn't trying half as hard and was doing better when it came to grades but Bulla was putting forth all she had to do each speech right, making each one better than the last. Bulla was enjoying the class a lot more than she thought she would. Bulla sat at her desk really thinking about the next speech. It was a really easy topic but she wasn't sure how she wanted to go about it. It was something you wanted to tell the incoming freshman, it could be about drugs, school, classes, and rumors whatever you wanted so long as it would help the freshman do better in high school. Bulla knew her topic perfectly she just couldn't figure what to say, she had so much to say and had to pick what parts to keep and what parts to get rid of. After class the gang was walking to lunch, Bulla was still thinking about the speech. "Ugh, I hate this; I don't know what to talk about, I didn't do much in high school."  
"Well we can't all be boring like you Goten, I'm going to talk about sports and not letting coaches bother you." Pan pushed Goten as she spoke. "Hey Bulla, what are you going to talk about?"  
"You'll have to wait and see, I want to surprise everyone." Bulla said smiling, she was really excited about this, and she could tell this was the start of something new. "You don't have any idea either, do you Bulla?"  
"I'm not like you Goten; I had a life outside of video games." Pan and Marron started cracking up at that one. "You just got burned Goten."  
"Oh ha-ha guys very funny."

That night Bulla pulled out her newest story, the intro to it would be perfect for her introduction to the speech. "Attention grabber, check, three points, check, I'm good to go with this bad boy." Goten was texting her all night but she half ignored him. She told him not to come over, that she wanted to work on the speech tonight, he respected that but he missed hanging out with her so the backlighting on her phone almost never shut off. After she had the rough copy done she looked it over multiple times, was this too much, should she dull it down? Could she say this in front of the class, how would they react to it? Bulla shoved those thought in the back of her mind. She couldn't fuss over it, she wasn't turning back. After getting done with her other homework she called Goten to stop him from thinking something was wrong. After talking to him for a couple of hours she passed out on her bed for the night.

Morning came too soon as it always did. Bulla got dressed and grabbed her things for school. She hated the fact that she didn't have a car yet, because that meant Bulma had to drive her to school still. The day went by pretty fast which was nice, minus the fact that her communications class was coming up and that meant intros were due. Bulla trusted herself to do this but at the same time she wondered what would happen next. The teacher picked randomly for students to go up, the numbers were already cut because only about half of the class was prepared. "Bulla your next if you're ready." "Yea I'm ready, I think." She mumbled under her breath as she walked to the podium. "Remember Bulla you just need to give the intro so we can see if you have the needed material or not. She nodded and took a deep breath. She could do this, she wasn't scared, and she looked at her friends who were waiting for the big secret to be revealed, ready to go she looked straight ahead at the audience and started:

_Music blares in the background, a single person stand by the window, the moonlight the rooms only light. Tears fall steadily down her face as a promise is broken not forgotten. A girl's dreams feel shattered a will no longer there. The same question asked every night. "Will anyone care if I'm no longer there? "This is something no one should feel or think but yet, it happens, I ask you why? Well after finding out firsthand, I found my answer. It is from poor motivation, negative comments from family and friends, and it is from the courage that is lost from all of this._

She stopped and fixed her papers, the class clapped and the teacher added her comments. "Strong opener, covers points, and gets the audience's attention, anyone else?" She looked around and a girl raised her hand, Bulla noticed it was a girl she didn't talk too much but always thought wasn't as bad as her friends. "It really painted a picture; you could see the detail in your mind." The rest of the class agreed and Bulla felt relieved. Not only was she done speaking but the class didn't react oddly towards her, now knowing what she was going to talk about. Bulla sat down and exhaled, she had a feeling her breathing got messed up because her heart was pounding in her chest. It was so common for her, anytime she did something in front of people she wouldn't breathe so when she was done she would be gasping for air.

Pan talked about Bulla's intro as they met up again and walked to lunch. "Bulla, I was blown away, but, what you wrote sounded so, so, I don't know how to describe it. How did you create it?" Bulla smiled at her, "Thanks I am happy it was well received, hopefully my speech will be as good as my intro. And I took it from my latest story. See I loved how I started it and it fit perfectly with my speech so I used it."  
"Your latest story? I wasn't e-mailed about a new story."  
"Well I haven't posted it yet, I'm waiting a little bit before I add it to my profile."  
"Why are you waiting?"  
"I'm using the speech as a test, if I can do this than I can write the story."  
"I can help you if you want."  
"Thanks but no, I got it, I'm just making sure I'm strong enough to write it."  
"Gotcha?" Pan stated confused a little but understanding what she was trying to get at. They finally got their food and sat down with the others. Talk of the speeches ended and Goten talked about something that happened last night at his house. The rest of the school day went by in a blur for her as she thought of a lot of different things.

When Bulla got home she went to work on her homework. Something told her she wouldn't want to do it later. At dinner she didn't talk much as usual to avoid an argument with her father. He didn't say too much to her either, not anymore, it seemed to happen ever since Vegeta and Goten butted heads. Goten was over for dinner, and Vegeta started making fun of Trunks, but it wasn't funny it was just being cruel. Goten grabbed Bulla's hand under the table and tried to keep her calm because he could sense her breaking down on the inside, trying to be strong. But she exploded, after Vegeta went too far. "Why do you have to make fun of Trunks like that?!"  
"Really Vegeta enough, he is your son."  
"Oh give me a rest woman, the boy does it to himself."  
"Bulla ran out the room, her emotions changing rapidly. Trunks said nothing, he was tired of fighting. Vegeta was Vegeta and things weren't going to change. Goten stood up with the intention of running after Bulla but stopped short of it. "Vegeta, you may be Trunks father but you have no right to say things like that. If you weren't such an ass to everyone in your family and opened your damn eyes you could see how much pain you've brought to Bulla, and probably everyone else! I don't think she can ever forgive you, not that I blame her, you don't deserve it!" With that Goten turned and went to Bulla who was in her room.

When Goten was able to get into her room Bulla was lying on her floor crying. He laid next to her and rubbed her back. "Goten what did you said to him?!" "The truth Bulla, I know I was out of line but I couldn't stand it, soon everyone, his friends, and family will be turned against him." "Let's hope that day comes soon, Goten." She said through the tears.

Bulla had moved on since that night but things never really got better, but they didn't get much worse. She was learning things she never thought she knew, from this speech. Two days before the final copies were due Bulla got back her rough draft and in big bold letter the teacher wrote **Strong Speech** and even underlined multiple times the word strong. Bulla got a little nervous when she looked above that though. The teacher wrote a note for her that read: Bulla- Let's talk about the heaviness of the content. She showed it to Pan who joked about it, "that's either really good, or really bad." She nodded in agreement then both swapped papers to help each other with teacher's notes before getting called up to her desk so she could help them. Bulla joked with everyone as she was called up. "Bulla sit down please, I just want to go over any questions you might have with my notes. I want you to also know that I really liked what you wrote."  
"Thank you," She whispered from embarrassment from the praise.  
"What you wrote is a hard topic, and not everyone can talk about it, not everyone can do that."  
"It was kind of hard to write but something told me to do it, plus once I started I learned a lot about what was happening to me, I was finally able to accept my problem. This speech really opened my eyes." The two went over the speech for a few minutes, when Bulla had no more questions she thanked her and got up. Bulla a little more work to do before her speech was due, and she was ready. Never before had she been so ready to do something like this.

Bulla and the gang were hanging out in her room. Bulla had YouTube open on her computer. She was addicted to Final Fantasy videos and everyone was watching some parodies and random humor videos. After a while Bulla decided to switch to something lighter so she could go to bed tonight and not be so wound up for hours. She went to her favorite's page; she could not get enough of it. The first few bars had started when Goten asked for her hand. Pan and Marron backed up giving them space to dance. Bulla was so happy; she never would have thought she could feel this way again. She was so loved, so protected. So what if she didn't have Vegeta's support, she had others who would always be there. She found her guardians angel's and they were in the room with her, as they always had been.

_When I see your smile  
Tears roll down my face I can't replace  
And now that I'm strong I have figured out  
How this world turns cold and it breaks through my soul  
And I know I'll find deep inside me I can be the one_

I will never let you fall (let you fall)  
I'll stand up with you forever  
I'll be there for you through it all (through it all)  
Even if saving you sends me to heaven

It's okay. It's okay. It's okay.  
Seasons are changing  
And waves are crashing  
And stars are falling all for us  
Days grow longer and nights grow shorter  
I can show you I'll be the one

I will never let you fall (let you fall)  
I'll stand up with you forever  
I'll be there for you through it all (through it all)  
Even if saving you sends me to heaven

Cuz you're my, you're my, my, my true love, my whole heart  
Please don't throw that away  
Cuz I'm here for you  
Please don't walk away and  
Please tell me you'll stay woah, stay woah

Use me as you will  
Pull my strings just for a thrill  
And I know I'll be okay  
Though my skies are turning gray

I will never let you fall  
I'll stand up with you forever  
I'll be there for you through it all  
Even if saving you sends me to heaven

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_Well that's it technically this story is over and done with. Stay tuned in case I add a bonus chapter *hint, hint*. Please review. Also I don't own the song, and if you want to see the fan made video that I fell in love with just ask and I'll send you the link. If you made the video than you know I loved it because I think I commented on it as soon as I saw it. Oh yea this story I'm going to edit, change the names cause I have too and try to create a novel. Most of the story will be different expect the last few chapters I think, but I don't know yet since I haven't started it yet. Love you guys so much._

_~Femalefighter~_


	13. She is Brighter

Chapter 13

**She Is Brighter**

**Disclaimer- ****I own nothing, I give full credit to all owners, I only use it because I love it!!**

**Well things are going pretty well right now. I plan to enjoy every moment because I know it won't last forever. My speech went very well, I don't think I'll ever forget it and it's been over a year now since I did it. I was nervous when I stood in front of the class but I was able to get through it. I looked at nothing and opened my mouth, surprisingly words came out.**

_Music blares in the background, a single person stand by the window, the moonlight the rooms only light. Tears fall steadily down her face as a promise is broken not forgotten. A girl's dreams feel shattered a will no longer there. The same question asked every night. "Will anyone care if I'm no longer there? "This is something no one should feel or think but yet, it happens, I ask you why? Well after finding out firsthand, I found my answer. It is from poor motivation, negative comments from family and friends, and it is from the courage that is lost from all of this._

_Parents encouraging words are suppose to keep us motivated so our dreams can become reality. What happens when the motivation is no longer there? Do those dreams still come true? I thought if my father told me I couldn't do something, or become someone, I would be my own motivation. I never needed to hear someone tell me what I couldn't become. But, as I got older my eyes opened up and I started believing what he said and accepted them as the truth. I changed, and tried new things, some things, I liked, others I didn't. After some time I started to believe that I wasn't good enough to do anything. When all I heard was you can't do that you're not smart enough, soon nothing mattered in my life. I didn't care about school or friends, but never dear there is a solution. I laughed a lot, and even fake laughs can change you, and listened to different music. When I was down or upset I would listen to a lot of dark songs, and dark bands. I soon realized that other then changing what was on my mind it really wasn't helping. I was becoming more depressed. When I hit rock bottom I had no choice but to climb back up. Someone once said "the further you must climb, the stronger you will become as a result." I changed my music to something more upbeat, which was hard because when I was mad I didn't feel like listening to Cascada, but it got better. My advice to you is to try a new routine because I know it can help. Keep telling yourself what people told me. "This is my story and I will end it end the way I want it!"_

_Negative comments can affect the body and mind; they can make you believe that you have no purpose and that you will be good enough. I grew up with it but when I was little I thought and knew that they were things to make me better, or could be. Now I know that I was being used, I put down so that the people that told me those things could make me what they wanted me to be. Only their plan backfired I became very cold and dark, I felt lost, stuck in a dark void with no way out. I was a threat to myself after some time. At one point I started asking myself if I would be better off dead, if anyone would care if I left this world. Only after some of my older friends got involved was I finally able to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I was able to leave that void, that land of nothingness. They knew the old, happy me, but they also knew my family issues and even though I never wanted them to get involved but I have never been happier that they did. They saved my life, they were able to stay by my side and encourage me to keep going with my life and what I loved to do. Without them I might not be here today, they also found the problem and opened my eyes to it and even though we can't solve it yet. Just knowing what caused it helped, stay strong and in the light. Friends are the solution to this problem you may not want to get them stuck in the middle but if they really care for you like mine did I know they can help. In other words let those who want to help, help. Mine are the reason I can stand here! I can do anything no matter what anyone has to say!_

_This brings me to my next major topic and that is courage. Courage is something we all have inside of us but die to things in our lives it can become hidden. I used to be very outgoing and talkative but due to everything that was happening I became quiet and shy, I hate when I become the center of attention my stomach gets butterflies and I start to panic. But through hard work and a passion to continue to do what I love I can do the things I love so much. AS soon as I started not worrying about what other people thought about me I could go back to my old self. I went to the New York Anime Festival last December. It was my first ever convention my brother and I ever went to and we cosplayed. Not only did I go as my favorite anime character I went as guy! It was a blast and I got to experience firsthand what others were talking about. Now I can't wait to go to another and hopefully enter their skit contest! My goal is to stand in front of a large group of people and not be scared and timed!_

_Do you see what I'm saying, I realized that courage is still in me but only after I realized this was I able to do everything after. I know this would have been easier if someone told me this ahead of time like I'm telling you but I think it has made me stronger. Everyone has courage lurking inside they just have to find it, like the cowardly lion. He was scared to do things until he was told he had it unleash his courage that it was inside him all along._

_Okay right about now I bet your asking yourself why did she tell me all of this, why spill her story to me? I could tell you some made up answer but the truth is because I'm hoping that my story will be able to help you. I didn't do any part of this for myself. I was told this quote once it was "What I do I do for you." I live by that quote because everything I do, I do to help someone else. The people that helped me never once worried about themselves and now it's my turn to return the favor. Even if this only helps one person I'm happy. My day is made just knowing that, that person is able to see that they aren't alone and they can save themselves before it's too late and they do something they will regret._

When I finished I remember people saying that some things I said were very real. One student said that the parents' pressure can really affect the child. Others said similar things; I really wish I could remember what I got on it. I may have the page around here somewhere. This speech set up so much for me it is something I think will be forever proud of. It's so odd to look back and re-read it and remembered giving that. It really helped change my life, as odd as that might sound, but writing that, and this story made all the memories and feelings I suppressed come back and I saw how horrible things had gotten. I was really able to embrace the thought of change and start to become the person I wanted to be.

I'm starting my sophomore year in college and it's so nice to enjoy school again. Sure it's hard but I met some great people and am really learning what I need to follow my dreams. My parents still have no clue what went on with me and I'm okay with that, not telling them was my decision, and one day I may tell them. But, today isn't that day. I will say one plus side to everything that has happened, not only have a learned a lot from it but I can use it as material for acting when I need it. Those feelings never really fade and I can control how to really use it so that time of sadness is in used as my advantage. Since I want to be a voice actor, or even a normal TV, movie, actor this experience could really help if I have to be someone who is depressed, upset, whatever. I also want to help people that help people with depression, I don't mean drug companies, I can never support them, they make millions for something that can only half work and may cause suicide, yea, no, not something I like.

In my freshman year of college I got to re-do this speech with more research, audio that played behind me, and visuals, that speech was amazing and made me really want to go to schools and talk to students there. Anyway what I'm getting at is that things have gotten pretty awesome for me. Writing this story and posting it up for the world got hard at times for me but I knew it had to be done. I really enjoyed writing this even if it took forever to finish. My goal is to now write it as a novel, I want to change a lot for different reasons but I think it would be cool to get it out there from someone who isn't a doctor or a forty year old, no offense.

Yes, there are a lot of awesome references in this story from Final Fantasy VII Crisis Core, to music…the title of the chapter is a title from a really awesome song, the band is The Mitch Hansen Band, go check them out…*cough, cough*.

Anyway I want to prove to you that life goes on and you can beat depression and be happy. Just like me! From the words of Jack Fair "Embrace your Dreams!" Doing that really makes a difference. I'm such a nerd I know but, nerds have more fun. I want to leave you one last song, one that has been stuck in my head since I heard it and then saw a really cool fan-made video to it. If you know the artist I'll give you a hug fan-girl style, and a cookie? Love you all.

~Bulla Briefs~

_Haunted by the past  
A nightmare that seemed so unreal  
I wish that I could turn back time  
And spare the pain that we both feel  
And now we've changed  
Things will never be the same  
(Things will never be the same)_

We were foolish then  
But our trials served to make us strong  
The burdens are not yours alone  
We've sought the answers for so long  
But they're not free  
They cost you more than they cost me  
(My brother…)

I promise you, there is nothing I won't give  
To see this through  
Return the soul to where it lives  
I promise you, I'd go everywhere I've been  
To find a way to make atonement for my sin and see  
See your smiling face again

When we've paid the price at last  
And we are whole once more  
Life will be the way it was  
The way it was before the day  
She slipped away  
Together we'll redeem that day

And I promise you, there is nothing I won't give  
To see this through  
Return the soul to where it lives  
I promise you, I'd go everywhere I've been  
To find a way to make atonement for my sin and see  
See your smiling face…

(I promise…)  
(I promise…)  
(I promise…)

I promise you, there is nothing I won't give  
To see this through  
Return the soul to where it lives  
I promise you, I'd go everywhere I've been  
To find a way to make atonement for my sin and see  
See your smiling face again

Bulla sat back in her chair and exhaled, she was so happy to be done with writing. "Ugh now I have to type it." She closed her notebook and got up to walk to her bed where Goten was sitting. He opened his arms around her. "I love you but can we watch the ending now, I have been thinking about it all day." She said to him with sparkles in her eyes. He started laughing at her getting all giddy about a show. "Yea it's all ready are you comfy?" She started bouncing up and down on his lap, "yes, yes, yes, now play it, oh and I warn you I may cry because the last one was a cliffhanger and I nearly cried then." He laughed again and pushed play. "Bulla, you have changed so much." "Is that good or bad?" "I would say good, very, very good."  
"Do you like it?" "I love it." She pulled away as the opener started playing. "Kiss, kiss, fall in love!"She jumped up and started dancing; by the time the show started she was back on Goten's lap. Things were looking pretty good for her; Goten couldn't help but smile at her. She had changed her life around and could tell she had never been happier. She looked at him and smiled before looking back to the TV.

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_Okay all done with this story. The last chapter got a little off topic but I think I saved it…I think. I thank everyone again for reading this and reviewing. Oh and for those of you who were wondering if Bulla would be okay I guess you figured it out but I was basing her off me and my experiences so as long as I was alive and able to write Bulla would survive. Love you all, thanks again._

_~Femalefighter~_


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